


Satisfied

by downn_in_flames



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friends to Lovers, and back to friends, angst at a wedding, inspired by the hamilton song of the same name, which is apparently a ~thing~ i do now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 12:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17683364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downn_in_flames/pseuds/downn_in_flames
Summary: I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time. The first is that Dom is most definitely in love with him, even if she won't quite admit to it just yet. The second is that I definitely still am as well - the rising sense of despair in my chest is evidence of that.And the third is that, in this situation, she wins.





	Satisfied

 

" _Give it up for the maid of honour,_ Victoire Weasley _."_

Once upon a time, I loved weddings. I dreamt of the flowy white gowns and tiered cakes and seeing the person I loved at the end of the aisle, waiting to spend the rest of their life with me.

The past tense is the operative part, because the present tense is an entirely different story.

But I stand up nonetheless. I've got a flute of champagne clasped between slightly-shaky fingers, and heels digging into my feet so sharply that there will most definitely be a multitude of blisters on them tomorrow.

"I couldn't be happier to be here today, celebrating my sister and her new husband with all of you." The words leave a sour taste as they leave my lips. I'm lying through my teeth, and doing it with the brightest smile.

"My sister is one of my best friends - and I promise you, I'm not just saying that for the purpose of this speech. I feel so incredibly blessed to be as close with her as I am. Dominique, you are one of the kindest, most wonderful souls I've ever met, and I couldn't ask for anything more than to see you this happy."

That part, at least, isn't a lie. Dom is without a doubt one of the most important people in my life, and it's really only because of that fact that I'm able to stand here and pretend like everything's fine, when the reality is that looking at the groom makes me want to cocoon myself in blankets with a pint of Fortescue's Ice Cream for a nice long cry.

"And Teddy," his name almost chokes me as it comes out, "has been a family friend for as long as I can remember. And I've never seen anyone make my sister as happy as he makes her; they both deserve this happiness more than anyone."

"And so, my wish for the newlyweds is this," I say, forcing myself to make eye contact with both the bride and the groom. " _May you always be satisfied_."

At that word, there's a flash of recognition in Teddy's eyes.

 

* * *

 

"Victoire, let's go stargazing tonight."

Of all the things I might've expected Teddy to say while studying in the library together, that wasn't on the list.

"But neither of us are taking Astronomy," I reply reasonably.

"I know  _that_ ," he says. "Not everything has to be school-related, you know."

"It does when you've got your NEWTs and I've got my sixth year final exams in just a few weeks," I answer, more out of a desire to rile him up than out of any real intention to stay in the library.

It has its desired effect, and Teddy rolls his eyes at me. "Just come with me, it'll be fun."

I sigh, more dramatically than necessary, before closing my textbook. "Fine, we'll go stargazing."

Teddy grins at me, that slightly-lopsided, cheeky grin of his that makes the dimple on his right cheek pop out, and my heart starts picking up pace of its own accord.

And that serves to remind me why maybe agreeing to go stargazing with Teddy isn't the best idea. Because 'stargazing' sounds awfully romantic, even though I doubt Teddy means it as such, and it's only going to serve to get my hopes up.

I don't know when I'd suddenly started fancying my best friend, but it's only served to make my life unnecessarily complicated ever since. Hiding feelings from someone who can read you like a book is damn near impossible, and I've had more than my fair share of close calls over the past few weeks.

But despite all of that, I still find myself throwing my bag over my shoulder and leaving the library with Teddy.

Our walk up to the Astronomy Tower is filled with lighthearted conversation about our friends, my Quidditch training sessions, and Teddy's job interviews.

When we finally reach the top, Teddy reaches into his bag and pulls out both a big blanket and what looks like a thermos full of tea.

So this wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision, apparently.

"You came prepared," I comment, doing my best to sound casual.

Teddy shrugs, but his normally-blue hair starts to turn slightly purple, indicating that he's not quite as nonchalant about this as he's pretending to be.

It's always been a weird tell of his, that his hair starts changing colour of its own accord whenever he's feeling a particularly strong emotion.

"We've only got a short time left here - or, at least, I do - and I want to make it count," he replies simply, laying the blanket out in a spot where you can still clearly see all the stars.

"And staring at some stars is really how you make it count?" I ask disbelievingly, as he walks back towards me.

"It is when I'm with you." He grabs my hand to pull me towards the little area he's put together, and I marvel at how such a simple action, combined with those words, can  _set my heart aflame - every part aflame_.

But it's a dangerous game, playing with fire, and I'm afraid of getting burned.

So as soon as we get over to the blanket, I drop his hand like it's singed me, and when we sit down, I make sure there's plenty of space between us.

After a beat of silence, Teddy speaks again. "Did that make you uncomfortable? Because that wasn't - I didn't mean to - "

"No, you didn't," I reply, far too quickly. "It's just - I - "

It appears that neither of us are capable of speaking in complete sentences at the moment.

One of Teddy's hands reaches up to loosen the yellow tie around his neck, and he looks intensely at the sky instead of at me. "Maybe I've just been reading the signs wrong, but it… lately, it's started to feel like you fancy me just as much as I fancy you."

His words hit me out of nowhere, and it surprises me that he's able to say something like that so casually.

"Teddy,  _this is not a game_ ," I warn.

"And I'm not playing anything, Vic," he responds, looking back in my direction. "I like you, a lot - and I… I couldn't go much longer without saying it. And, I don't know, lately, I just - I thought you'd been feeling the same way. Hell, even Calla said you fancied me."

I'll have to tell my dormmate off at some point for telling Teddy about my feelings for him, but right now, that's relatively low on the priority list.

Because right now, my thoughts are entirely occupied with the fact that Teddy, my best friend and the boy I've fancied for  _months_ now, has just told me he feels the same.

"You weren't reading anything wrong," I tell him, truthfully. "I do. Fancy you, that is."

I place my hand over top of his again, and this time, it's not like being burned. It's a comforting warmth, spreading through my veins as quickly as the smile spreads across Teddy's face.

"I - good. That's great. Incredible, really," he rambles.

For two people who never seem to have enough to talk about, we're having a hell of a time communicating right now. So instead of saying much more, I scoot closer to him and lean back on my hands, looking up at the night sky.

He sees to take the cue well enough, following my lead and intertwining both his left arm and leg with mine.

Being this close to him is new. Not in a bad way, but in the sort of way that sets all sorts of butterflies loose in my stomach, because I've spent so long convincing myself that something like this was only possible in my dreams.

We stay there for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company, but we've never been great at silence. Teddy's grandmum always said it was a blessing that we're a year apart in school and in different houses, otherwise the professors would never be able to get a word in edgewise.

"Do you ever think about how insignificant we are?" I ask, getting lost in the sky. "Like, there's all those stars out there, and we're just… so small."

Teddy laughs, and I can feel the vibrations in his chest. "Fucking hell, Vic. We both establish we've got feelings for each other, and the first thing you start thinking about is our size relative to the rest of the universe? Merlin, you're such a Ravenclaw."

"I'm choosing to take that as a compliment, thank you very much," I retort.

He chuckles again. "To answer your question though, I don't think we're insignificant at all. I mean, yeah, we're tiny in comparison, but I don't think that means we can't do things that matter."

"But in the grand scheme of things, we're not going to affect things that happen way out there in the stars. I want to make a difference in the world, and even that seems massive - but it's just a drop in the ocean, really."

Teddy shrugs - it jostles me a little bit, as I'd just gotten comfortable with my head on his shoulder. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't make a difference on the scale of stars and galaxies. But I think that… I think that sometimes we get so caught up on making the biggest possible impact that we forget that the most important part is whether or not  _you're_ fulfilled with what you're doing."

I hum in agreement, because that's exactly the kind of answer I'd expect from Teddy. He's always been the realist, the action-driven one of the two of us, whereas I've been the dreamer. It's also why it makes so much sense that he'd be the first one of the two of us to make a move.

"Maybe you just haven't found that thing that fulfills you yet," he adds, before turning to look at me and winking. "Or that person."

" _I'm sure I don't know what you mean_ ," I reply, feeling my skin flush. " _You forget yourself_."

" _You're like me, I have never been satisfied_ ," he says. "I've spent all seven years here thinking about that - thinking about how I'm going to find something to do after graduation that's, you know, meaningful. And maybe I've found it, maybe I'll have to keep looking. But I like to think I might've found the girl to do all of it with."

I'm sure if my heart was capable of bursting from pure sappiness, that would've been the thing to do it. "I'd do most anything with you," I tell him, the heat in my cheeks getting even more intense.

"Well good," he responds. "Because  _there's a million things I haven't done, but just you wait_."

"And what exactly is included in those million things?" I say, trying to keep a light, teasing tone. That fails, and I sound extraordinarily breathy instead.

Teddy's eyes drop to my lips. "I can think of one."

Suddenly, that tiny gap between us is closed completely, and Teddy's lips are on mine. This isn't the first time a boy's kissed me, but it's the first time it's felt like  _this_. This is flying. This is  _the feeling of freedom, of seeing the light_. This is wrapping your fingers around a fluttering golden Snitch after a long, hard chase.

It's not a particularly  _long_ kiss, and Teddy's hands never migrate lower than my waist, but it's still one of the best I've ever had. And when he eventually pulls back and looks at me, all the stars in the sky can't compare to the constellations in his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Our relationship blooms quickly, almost as if we're rushing to make things serious enough before I head back to school in the fall and he doesn't.

That summer is a rush of late night snogs and ice cream dates and Teddy using his Apparition license to take us to all sorts of romantic places. He'd dated quite a bit more than me during our last few years at Hogwarts, and it's clear he's picked up on all the ways to woo a girl.

Admittedly, h _e's a bit of a flirt, but I'm giving it a chance_. There's something different about the way he looks at me than what I'd ever seen when he looked at his past girlfriends. Like I'm something so much more special.

When he's not taking me to moonlit gardens or stealing kisses behind my grandparents' garden, he's working some entry-level sales job at Quality Quidditch Supplies. Which is kind of hilarious, because  _I_ know more about Quidditch than he does, but it's enough for him to get a cheap flat near Diagon Alley and start writing up business proposals.

He's still not even sure what type of business he's going to start, and he's going to have to borrow an insane amount of money to do whatever it is he decides on, but he's Teddy and he somehow makes it work.  _He's penniless, he's flying by the seat of his pants_ , and he somehow makes it look good all the while.

I leave for Hogwarts on the first of September, a Quidditch Captain pin affixed to my robe in the same spot Teddy's Head Boy badge sat on his the year before. Teddy comes with me, holding my hand the entire time we're with my parents and dragging me off to a secluded part of the train at the first possible moment.

"I'm going to miss you, Vic," he says in between kisses. "I love you."

It's only the second time he's said those words - the first being last night, when we'd made love for the first time - and it sends the same rush of exhilaration through my bloodstream.

"I love you too," I tell him, before pulling his lips back to mine, for a much more heated exchange this time.

"Eugh! Teddy, that's disgusting!" a familiar voice says, and I look over to see James standing there, his expression contorted to express his displeasure with what he's just walked in on.

"You'll understand when you're older, bud," Teddy tells him with a laugh, but making no effort to move his hands from their very compromising position under my robes. "Now give me and my girlfriend some privacy, if you don't mind."

"Alright, I'll go find Mum and Dad then!" he replies, before turning around and leaving us alone in the compartment again.

Oh, good. My whole extended family's going to know Teddy and I snuck off for a snog now.

Teddy turns back to me, a sly grin on his face. He brushes his hair out of his eyes - it's longer and darker now than it was at the start of the summer, and he's got a bit of a five o'clock shadow thing going as well. It's oh-so- _handsome, and boy does he know it._

"Now, where were we, my love?" he asks, his hands travelling to even more compromising positions than before.

I pull his lips back to mine, determined to make the most of these last moments before we have to separate.

We're eventually interrupted by the train's warning whistle, and Teddy's got to get off before it departs.

"Just one year," he whispers against my skin before he goes. "One year apart, and then it'll be you and me against the world."

 

* * *

 

 _I remember that night._  No matter what I do, the events of that night will haunt my memories for the rest of my life, and  _I just might regret that night for the rest of my days._

It's the night after my Hogwarts graduation - my parents plan a huge party to celebrate. Shell Cottage and the surrounding beach area are covered in beautiful floating fairy lights, the whole place bathed in a  _dreamlike candlelight, like a dream that you can't quite place_.

And while the scenery might be blurred, the conversations are crystal clear.

This is supposed to be a massive celebration, but there's a lump in my throat because of what I know I have to do tonight.

"Vic!" I hear the voice behind me only moments before I feel myself being swept off my feet in a hug.

Teddy spins me around, and it's a wonder my pale blue dress doesn't fly up and flash anyone in the process. When he sets me down, he immediately goes in for a kiss - short and sweet, because my parents are here and most definitely watching.

"You look beautiful tonight," he tells me softly, and my heart almost breaks at that alone.

I put this off so I could do it in person, because I thought it'd be better that way, but somehow, I get the feeling that it's going to be so much worse.

I spend most of the party trying to subtly avoid him, to get wrapped up in conversations with family members and the like and position myself so that he can't just walk up next to me at any given time. He definitely catches on a little, and I see him frowning at me from his seat next to Dom a few times.

Once the party starts to die down a little, I find myself completely alone, a glass of wine in my hand as I try to get up the courage to find Teddy and tell him that we need to talk.

He does the job for me though, appearing by my side so suddenly it's almost like he Apparated there. "Why have you been avoiding me all night?" he asks abruptly.

I freeze. "I - let's go for a walk," I tell him. I don't want to do this here, in the middle of everything.

And so we do, and I let Teddy hold my hand as we head down the beach, leaving our shoes against the rocks. The fairy lights and nearly-full moon set the whole beach aglow, and it's a wonderfully romantic setting for a terrible thing I have to do.

"I got the diplomatic fellowship with the Department of International Magical Cooperation," I start conversationally.

"You did? Vic, that's incredible!" Teddy says, his whole face splitting into a blinding grin. "I'm so proud of you."

"I move to Thailand in two weeks, and I'll be there for at least a year," I add, a bit more subdued this time.

Teddy's smile falters. "Oh."

It's silent for a few moments. "I can always come visit you every once in a while," he says. "And you can come back to England too. And we can - I know owl communication won't be fast enough because it's so far, but there are all those Muggle devices that allow you to talk all the way across the world from each other, so we could - "

"Teddy," I interrupt, dropping his hand. "What's the point?"

His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. "What do you mean 'what's the point'? The point is that you're my girlfriend."

"And we've been apart for longer than we've been together. It's not exactly like we've got the most solid foundation to go off of, and I mean, who knows when I'll be back? It just… it seems a bit pointless, is all."

"Pointless?" Teddy asks, and the hurt in his tone feels like a knife in my heart. "What happened to 'I love you'? What happened to 'I'd do anything with you'?"

"I - " I trail off for a few moments, unable to find the words. "I just think that we moved really fast when we first started dating, and we've been stagnant ever since. And at this rate, we're just going to stay that way. And that's not fair - to me or to you."

"That's a fucking cop-out, Vic, and you know it," he says.

I shrug, wrapping my arms around myself as the breeze off the ocean makes the air turn suddenly colder. "Maybe so," I reply, "but it's reality. And maybe one day we'll end up back in the same place again, but right now you've got your path and I've got mine, and they're not going in the same direction. It sucks, but we'll never be satisfied like this."

I pause for a moment, and Teddy doesn't fill the silence.

"And I'd rather end things now, before it gets messy. Because I - at the end of the day, you're still my best friend." And at that, the first tear finally falls.

"So this is it then?" he asks, and the knife in my heart twists at the brokenness in his voice.

I summon all the remaining resolve I have left. "It has to be."

Teddy closes the space between us, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug, something I'm all-too-familiar with. Except this one - this one feels different. This one feels like a goodbye.

"I think - no matter what, I think some part of me is always going to love you," he says.

"I think so too," I reply, my voice muffled against the fabric of his T-shirt.

We stay like that for a few moments - I think we both know that everything will change the moment we move. So we linger, and I take one last moment to appreciate his familiar embrace.

Teddy's eventually the one that moves first, dropping his arms to his sides and taking a step back. "I'm going to - I'm going to go home," he says eventually, and it's evident that he's trying not to cry. "Goodnight, Vic."

He Apparates on the spot, before I even get to finish a "Goodnight" in response.

I make the trek back to Shell Cottage alone, trying to convince myself that I did the right thing. And it  _does_ feel like the right thing, but that doesn't make it any less painful.

When I reach the rocks, I see Teddy's shoes next to mine, and it's so painfully symbolic that it almost knocks the wind out of me. We set out on this beach as two people, and I'm returning as one.

That, combined with all the stars above me reminding me of that night just over a year ago, is finally the thing that makes me break down.

 

* * *

 

Thailand is beautiful, and I very quickly grow attached to it - and a one-year assignment somehow becomes three.

As I expected, I do move on from Teddy. I date a girl named Malai for almost a year, and it's nice. It's nothing like the whirlwind of Teddy and I's summer romance, but she's sweet and caring and makes me feel like I matter to someone.

But Teddy's right too, because there's some part of me that's still in love with him. And while I'm not exactly shaping my career around getting back together again, there's some part of me that hopes our paths merge again.

I eventually come back to England the summer that Louis graduates - it's only for a few months, as I'm meant to be moving to Zimbabwe for a year in October, but it's coming home nonetheless.

Much like for my own graduation, Mum and Dad plan a big party at Shell Cottage as a celebration. And a big party means Teddy will be there - I know I'm not meant to be excited about that, but I want to see him, to talk to him in some format other than letters that take a full month to get sent back and forth.

I wonder if the same cordial friendship we've re-established over letters will carry over in person.

But before I get to figure that particular question out, I end up faced with a totally different issue.

Dom and I are both staying in our childhood bedroom for the night - it's funny that it's barely changed since both of us moved out, yet the two of us have changed so much. She's chopped her platinum blonde hair into an sharp shoulder-length cut, and she's got an intricate web of flowers and runes tattooed across her right shoulder.

For my part, my appearance hasn't changed as drastically, but other parts of me certainly have.

I'm sitting on my bed just before the party, reading a book in Thai as an attempt to keep up my language skills, when Dom comes into the room and sits on my bed.

"Can we talk?" she asks, looking uncharacteristically nervous for someone who's usually the most confident person in the room.

"Sure," I answer, setting my book to the side.

"So, I just - I wanted to ask you before anything official happened, and it wasn't really the type of thing to send in a letter, so I - "

She trails off, and I do my best to guide my usually-direct sister back to whatever the point of this conversation is. "Just tell me whatever you need to tell me."

Dom takes a breath. "Teddy and I have - well, we've sort of been dating for the past few months."

Of all the things I could've possibly expected to come out of my sister's mouth, it's safe to say that that absolutely was not one of them.

"Dating?" I repeat, at a loss for words.

"Well, not 'dating' dating," she amends. "We didn't want to… I know there's a history between you two, even if it was years ago, so I told Teddy I didn't want to get into anything with him unless we had your blessing, and he agreed."

"I… wow. How did that happen?"

"It just… it all kind of fell into place, I think," she says. "He's been doing all this work setting up that children's organization of his, and it turned out he needed some help setting up some of the financials. So I got involved, and there were just a lot of long talks at coffee shops and late nights working on things, and… somewhere along the way, we fell for each other."

She's got a soft smile on her face as she talks,  _and her eyes are just helpless_. I recognize that look almost immediately, because I've seen it in my own reflection.

Looking at her,  _I realize three fundamental truths at the exact same time_. The first is that Dom is most definitely in love with him, even if she won't quite admit to it just yet. The second is that I definitely still am as well - the rising sense of despair in my chest is evidence of that.

And the third is that, in this situation, she wins.  _I'd have to be naive to set that aside_  - that she's been here with him, that she's been the person guiding him through all those major life milestones that I once wanted to be there for. And I'm stationed firmly in the past, a whirlwind first love that got extinguished by the distance between us.

So I swallow all of my own emotions, and plaster the closest thing to a smile that I can manage on my face. "I'm so happy for you two," I tell her.

Her eyes light up, suddenly full of hope. "So you're okay with us?"

 _No_. "Yes."

She crawls across the bed to me, pulling me into a hug. "Oh, thank you," she says. "I'm so happy you're okay with it."

I can only hum in agreement, because I'm worried that if I open my mouth, I might start to cry.

"Dom! Vic!" my father's voice calls from downstairs. "Come down here and help us finish setting up!"

"Fully grown adults and still getting called out for skipping out on chores," Dom says, letting me go with a laugh. "Some things never change."

"Some things never do."

Like the fact that I'm still in love with my sister's now-almost-boyfriend.

Dom bounds down the stairs first, and I follow, doing my best to maintain my composure as our family gradually starts to show up.

All the aunts and uncles naturally ask me all about my time in Thailand, and so I start to fall into the routine of retelling the stories of my experiences there. It's the kind of happiness I don't have to fake.

And then at some point, I end up in the midst of all the kids. Most of them are still at Hogwarts - Dom, Louis, Molly, and I are the only ones to have graduated thus far - and as a result, they're all weirdly interested in hearing what post-school life is like. And of the cousins,  _I'm the oldest and the wittiest, and the gossip is insidious_  - so there's all sorts of stories that need clearing up and retelling.

Even though it's Louis' party, I somehow feel like the centre of attention.

That almost makes it worse - because when Teddy arrives, I'm standing in the middle of a circle of cousins, talking about some of my worst translation mistakes, and our eyes meet almost immediately.

It's like being struck by lightning - and I momentarily marvel at the fact that after all these years his eyes can still do the same things to me - but I'm left suddenly cold a few seconds later, because his eyes find Dom instead.

And that way he always lit up - that always felt like it was reserved just for me - I watch as it happens again, but with someone else.

She crosses the room to him, throwing her arms around his neck and whispering something in his ear, and I have to force myself to look away. But it's a bit like a Quidditch collision, in that I almost can't stop staring.

I know she's telling him that I've given them my blessing, and even though I have, that doesn't stop the jealousy from clawing at the pit of my stomach. There's a part of me that wants nothing more than to rip them apart - especially because I know that I'd probably have the power to.

Because  _I know my sister like I know my own mind_  - for all that she projects a 'badass' vibe in the way she dresses and carries herself, she's also one of the sweetest and most unselfish people I've ever met.

 _If I tell her that I love him, she'd be silently resigned_  - she'd let me win, even if I don't deserve to. And honestly, I don't even know if Teddy feels any of those same things for me anymore, anyways. It's not fair for me to rip them apart over something so impossible and potentially one-sided.

But still, I need to protect my own sanity, so I keep my distance from them for most of the party. The few moments I do catch them, though, confirm that the decision I've made - however hard it may be - was the right one. They look so incredibly perfect together; it's obvious how close they've become, and just how much they're in love.

And in a weird way, seeing my sister so happy makes me happy as well. Even if it is a melancholy type of happiness.

I'm nursing a firewhisky - Dad broke out the heavy-duty stuff a few hours ago, and it just feels like the kind of night where drinking like that is justified - and watching the rest of the family from a distance, when Teddy appears.

"It's been a while," he says as greeting, pouring himself a firewhisky and sitting down in the seat next to me. "How have things been?"

"It's been good," I answer, not really looking him in the eye. "What about you? I hear things with the children's charity are going well."

"They are, yeah," he replies. "We just got a grant to build our own miniature Quidditch pitch - it's basically going to be like Little League Quidditch for all these kids who wouldn't get that experience otherwise."

He sounds so excited about it, and I can't fault him for it. He's finally found that dream of his, the thing that satisfies him. And he's found a girl to do it with, even if that girl isn't me.

"Thanks for talking to Dom, by the way," he adds, taking me by surprise. "It was really important to her - to both of us, really - that you were… okay with things."

I shrug, my eyes focused on my almost-empty glass of firewhisky. "Why wouldn't I be?" I lie, because I know this is best for both of us. "Everything that happened between us was so long ago."

Teddy sits in silence for a few moments. "Yeah," he says eventually, "I guess it was."

I look him in the eyes for the first time since he got here tonight, and I'm surprised to find that I can't quite read the look in them as well as I used to. They're bluer than they were before, and I can't help but wonder if they've changed that way to look a bit more like my sister's.

But despite the colour change, they're still filled with stars, just as they've been since we were kids.

I've missed his eyes, I find myself thinking - and while he may not be mine anymore,  _at least I keep his eyes in my life_. And I suppose that's better than nothing.

"I've got to go find Lou," I say, suddenly desperate for a little space.

"And I should probably go find Dom," he replies.

"Yeah, you should."

I walk off before he gets a chance to respond, and I hope that he doesn't think my voice sounds too bitter. I don't want it to - I  _want_  to be happy for them.

And pretending seems like the best way to get there.

I  _do_ actually go off in search of Lou, who's definitely gotten a little too plastered for a graduation party filled with our family and our parents' friends. He makes for surprisingly good company like that, though, and he complains about all the absurd questions the adults asked him throughout the night.

"I mean, honestly, Aunt Gabrielle asked me when I was going to settle down with a nice girl," he says, rolling his eyes. "Which, first of all is awfully presumptuous that I'll end up with a  _girl_  anyways, but also… I'm eighteen. I've got time for that later."

"That you do," I agree.

"I mean, look at you," he continues animatedly. "You're twenty-two, and you're perfectly fine being on your own. Better for it, really, because you're doing all this incredible travelling and 'living your dream' and the like."

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

He laughs and takes a sip of the water I'd given him, looking at something behind him. "But also - damn, Teddy and Dom. Who would've thought?"

"I didn't expect that one," I admit truthfully. "But then again, I've been gone for so long that I hardly know what's going on in anyone's lives anymore."

It's the trade-off I've made - living a life of travelling to faraway places and doing work that I love, but missing out on the lives of the people I care about as a result.

I look over at Teddy and Dom, who are once again so wrapped up in one another and so blissfully happy, and find myself envious that they somehow got both - that they're both doing something fulfilling to them  _and_ building the relationships I've missed out on.

It's not fair, that I have to choose between the two and somehow they don't.

 _Nice going, Victoire_ , I mentally berate myself,  _he was right - you will never be satisfied_. You want too much - you're chasing too many dreams at once in too many directions instead of finding that one thing you love and clinging to it.

I didn't cling to what I loved back then, and it's come back to haunt me now.

 

* * *

 

And so here I am, three years later, toasting to the bride and groom. That flash of recognition in Teddy's eyes is gone as quickly as it came, and I realize that, while I may still be hung up on a man I can never have, he's moved on.

"So cheers," I tell them both, " _to your union, and the hope that you provide_  to all of us of just how real love can be."

I hold my glass up in celebration, and the audience toasts to the happy newlyweds. I take a larger sip of champagne than I maybe should, before flashing the most genuine grin at my sister as I can possible manage.

But when I sit down, a familiar weight settles upon my shoulders - the reminder of the fact that, had the path of my life gone a different direction, this might've been  _my_ wedding. And I'll never know if that was even a possibility now.

Instead, I have to watch Teddy put a dollop of frosting on Dom's nose before kissing it off, trying not to think too hard about the memory of him doing something like that to me.

I can't help but feel like Teddy might've been right all those years ago, laying on a blanket in the Astronomy Tower with our futures wide open ahead of us. Because seven years later, and maybe I'm still so caught up in making the biggest possible impact that I don't take time to think about what would actually make me happy.

And if I continue to live like this, I know  _I will never be satisfied_.


End file.
